Is family more important? Or your feelings?

I'm currently reading A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith. Johnny, a husband and father would rather spend his nights in a bar getting drunk than being with his family. He always emphasizes how much he loves his two children and his wife, yet it doesn't seem like it. I wondered if he was disappointed in himself. Or if he just didn't care at all about not being there for his family.

Johnny states how his dream was to be a singer. This dream was not accomplished. For a while he sang in bars. I think he loves drinking because it makes life seem like a surreal blur. He has stated countless times how he isn't good enough for his family and how he doesn't deserve them. I think his way of dealing with the pain that he didn't accomplish his life long dream and how poor his family is, is by drinking. In lots of situations, the so called "man of the house" drinks because he doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of being a husband and father. For Johnny, this isn't the case. I think he is just so disappointed in himself that he can't face his family. He believes that he is a failure and has not done enough to support his family.

But for Johnny, drinking is just a revolving cycle. He gets very drunk, feels bad about it, and complains about how ashamed he is of himself. When I first noticed this pattern, I thought, why does he continue to drink? I found out that he craves those few days or hours that he can't feel anything at all. He can't feel ashamed or embarrassed of himself because the alcohol has numbed his pain. So the question is, is it more important that Johnny feels happy with himself for just a few hours, or is it more important that he lives with the guilt and shame and takes care of his family?

I think that Johnny needs to care for his family. The only way he may possibly get rid of this nagging feeling of guilt, is if he gets his life together and tries to get a steady job. Some people would say that going out to get drunk is very selfish of Johnny, but I think that the situation is more complicated than that.

In TV shows like Intervention for example, the addict wants to stop because they know that they are hurting their family by doing whatever it is that they're doing to themselves. They are not confident or happy with themselves. But the craving to feel good for just minutes or hours is too much. It's not their own selfishness. The chemical has taken over their life and they can't live without it.